The Dangers of Insecurity and Ego

 

The Dangers of Insecurity and Ego

I’m afraid I’m angry with the world again. But to be fair, there’s a lot to be angry about at the moment…

I’ve always suspected that at the heart of the majority of human beings is an innate insecurity, an uncertainty about one’s place in the world, one’s position in the tribe, what kind of person one is going to be, that nags at us all deep down. This can manifest in many ways, in the need to find a societal box to fit into, in the need to de and re-box, in anger, in self loathing or self embrace, in reassurance or kindness, in malice and hatred, and, in some, in the need to heavily bolster one’s ego and feel powerful in order to make that frantic, insecure voice go away.

And this is the territory of the school bully.

That thing the parents of a bullied child will say – it’s not you, darling, the problem is theirs – you know what? It’s true. It’s hard to believe and accept sometimes, especially from the receiving end, but I honestly believe that at the heart of every school bully who menaces and humiliates those who are not like them lies that insecure little voice. And that voice says – I need to feel powerful, I need to feel strong, I need to prove I am right in who I am and I am the one who matters so I must tear down anyone who is different to me. I must prove that only people who are like me and agree with me matter. I must be in charge and make everybody answer to me. I must be the striker of the blow and not its victim. Otherwise, what am I?

Perhaps just that nagging, insecure little voice…

Some people grow out of this unpleasant stage with the end of adolescence. But some people don’t. Some people grow up to be adult bullies, people who try and force their will on others to make themselves feel better and silence that voice behind a wall of ego by holding power over others. Other opinions are irrelevant to them, all that matters is what they want and what they need and that their world be ordered as they want it. Some of these people are just irritating or nasty berks, but others are more narcissistic, more dangerous – some are domestic abusers, even killers, some unpleasant racists, sexists or trolls. And most terrifyingly of all, sometimes these people grow up to be world leaders.

And as I think the current state of the world shows, these are the most dangerous of them all. Because if you scale up a school bully with a narcissistic ego to feed and a frantic insecurity to drown out and put them in charge of a nation, I think we’ve all seen what we get, both over the last century and much more recently. You get people who say – I can’t let those people disagree with me, I have the power so I shall force them into my orbit. I shall make them obey or I shall crush them. I will kill thousands or even millions of people just to prove to myself that I can. I have the power. I can’t hear that voice. I can’t…

And the trouble is these people are pretty much incapable of doing the only thing that we can ever do that will make the world a better place – agreeing to disagree. The planet is never going to conform to one way of being, one religion, one society, one culture – it’s too diverse for that and the bloodshed needed to create such a world would be horrendous. The only way any kind of world peace could be achieved is, simply, for people to get over themselves.

Because if rather than looking at difference and seeing something to be replaced, we looked and just saw difference – what then? If people could just say – I don’t agree with the way you live/worship etc but I respect your right to do so… there’s no war. You are different to me but you have the right to exist. I agree to disagree with you but will leave you be. That’s all it would take. As long as a way of being doesn’t require the harm or suppression of others, what’s wrong with being different? Why can’t we talk about things and try and understand each other instead of retaliating? Why can’t we all just leave each other alone?

But as I said, until our leaders start thinking like this, as a species, we stand no chance. Until the ego trips stop and people stop hiding their own insecurities behind massacre, the world will learn nothing. For what a nice place the world would be if we’d all agree to disagree…

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