Very Short Story - What's in a Name?

 I wrote this quickly off the top of my head a few weeks ago off the back of a conversation expressing the idea that certain names create certain… expectations in a character and can sometimes be used by an author as a shortcut to do some character developmental heavy lifting. The female name especially highlighted in this matter is the one I have used below. ;)

What’s in a Name?

“Freeze, demon spawn!”

“Why, hello dear. Whatever is the matter?”

“Oh, give it up, your sweet little old lady act is fooling no-one! We know it was you that released the hell hound into the football stadium!”

“Hell hound? Oh no, dear, I’m much more of a cat person. See here, on the tea cosy? And my cushion covers? And the little knick-knacks on the mantlepiece, now that one on the left is my favourite, isn’t his face the sweetest thing?”

“I don’t care about your… oh, it is quite sweet, look at that little smile, bless, what a…hey! Stop trying to distract me with cats!”

“You seem very angry, dear. Perhaps if you took a seat right here, helped yourself to a chocolate digestive? Or I have brownies fresh out of the oven, or the cupcakes I made yesterday are right over here…”

“I don’t want your devilish food. God alone knows what manner of diabolical ingredients can be found in… Ash! What are you doing?”

MUNCH MUNCH. “Well, the cupcakes looked so tasty! And they’re great, you should try…”

“We aren’t here for that! We’re here to stop the fiend!”

“Yeah but… are we really sure it’s her? I mean, she makes crochet frogs, Dan…”

“We went through that phone book from top to bottom. You saw her name as well as I did!”

“My name, boys? Goodness, what’s the matter with my name?”

“It’s Lilith DeWinter, ma’am!”

“Yes, of course it is. Is that a problem?”

“Well… yes! It’s… it’s evil.”

“Evil? My name?”

“Yeah! Lilith is a name of the darkness! Everyone knows if you are called Lilith, you’re tough and cold and plotting the ultimate destruction of the human race! It’s just… inevitable!”

“I wouldn’t know about that, dear, I’ve too much baking to do to have time to plot anybody’s destruction. But… perhaps you should try the gentleman down the street? If you go to the front window, it’s the big, black house with the turrets and the portcullis and the screaming teenagers climbing out of the window - do you see it? I understand some very strange noises have been known to come out of his cellar and there seem to be fairly regular lightning strikes on his tower, even in the best of weather. And he does wear that long dark robe covered in mystic symbols and stroke his black goatee all the time. Perhaps you could ask him about the hell hound?”

“What, Kevin Shufflebottom?”

“That’s the one, dear.”

“Oh no, there’s no way it’s him with a name like that! Come on, Ash. I guess we’ll have to start over…”